The G-Factors!

Another year has arrived. And so has another hobby. The Guitar. I had my first brushes with the instrument when I was 15. 7 years later I’m still struggling. Fortunately, my dear friend Bodu has stepped in to take the pain of teaching me the six-string. And he’s proving to be a good teacher.

Sir Bodu has this unique way of teaching. I named the method: Sexually Guitaring and Stringing (SGS). The essence of this method are the three G-Factors. The G-Spot, The G-String/Chord and the G-Force.

1. Stimulate the G-Spot: The sound hole to be precise.

2. Strum the G-Chord: Not the thong off course.

3. Strum hard with G-Force.

Thanks to the G-Factors that I’ve made some headway in learning the G-uitar!

My greatest austerity drive!

Now this is big! For the first time in my life, I’m inspired. Inspired by the sobriety, the Politicos have recently been showing. AUSTERITY. Traveling in the cattle class, traveling  without the x,y,z + security cover…they are doing everything! That’s why I decided to do a bit myself. Here is a list of what I’m doing to save the precious taxpayer’s (I mean ‘my dad’) money…

1.  Didn’t shave since Shashi Tharoor’s controversial tweet. My bushy beard can now be home to hedgehogs. Save= 80 bucks.

2. Didn’t/Won’t buy my semester books. Downloaded e-books are my source for the upcoming exams. Save= 1300 bucks.

3. The last movie I watched, the ticket cost me a mere 10 bucks. The rest you understand. I did enjoy it though. Save= 140 bucks.

4. Flung my neighbour’s cat, trying to swoop down on a liter of milk, off the terrace. The sight wasn’t a delightful one, I must admit. Sad but True. Save= 26 bucks.

5. Performed a twosome. Ahh..I mean, I and my roommate repaired the broken geyser tap ourselves without consulting a plumber although the result is nothing but two broken taps. Save=More Loss= 200 bucks.

6. For the first time consulted a witch doctor instead of a regular doctor. A few pebbles, a strand of hair and an alligator’s teeth was what he prescribed. The miracle- I’m cured!

That shows that I did save a lot and I’m trying to do more. Till then, enjoy my greatest austerity drive.

A Boob-y Trap!

It has been four months since I have started writing this blog and seeing the vast number of visitors, I am humbled.  Humbled not because I consider this blog to be the best but because people have liked and even admired the work after reading this virtual trash can. Thank You so much!

CAT is just round the corner and I’m preparing for the GD, not because I’m already done with the written test but because of Sheena! Wondering who she is? A sultry siren, a bombshell or even better, a cruise missile, she sits just opposite to me. Her thirty something assets are posing to be a problem. Why? I really dont concentrate on my teacher. Male tendency. But I would like to thank my teacher. Inspite of the fact that I dont discuss a word, she dosent say a word. She just follows my line of sight! I hope she isnt a lesbian. Sorry Sheena but you are posing to be a grave danger to my chances of qualifying in the GD. Oops! I’m not through the written yet!

A 1000 lb ass!

Purrrrrrr…..! This sound, yes, this was the sound which almost knocked the living daylights out of me. I guess everyone is familliar with the sounds pur…! and  Gurrr! but the one that pierced through my ears was the longest and the loudest I ever heard.  Let me indroduce you to my envy. It’s none other than Mr. JK…..JK because he’s my senior and I would never like to be skinned and guilliotined. Anyways, Mr. JK has this dirty habit of producing the wierdest of sounds  through his 1000 lb trumpet everytime he meets me. I bet if anyone of you have this ability!

Anyways, I am going home for a couple of  days….for a fortnight to be precise and the little surprise that I promised I would divulge is my debut novel! It’s not confirmed yet but I’m in the process of redrafting it for the second time. My publisher was not very impressed with some parts but they found the concept interesting! Further details, I’ll furnish later! Till then….C Ya….and the next time beware of a 1000 lb ass!!

Of B-jobs and recession!

I’m back after a long long time…the reason being the most hectic week of my engineering, which I spent burning midnight oil. Of course my exams are over and I wasn’t studying. The reason might just be a little surprise which I wouldn’t like to divulge at the moment.

Coming back to the title of this post, recession is hurting us. Companies aren’t hunting us down like they did a year ago and the pain of not getting placed is immense. Summer is at its peak and all the ladies out here are away vacationing. The recession has blown about everything  right from plain jobs to blow jobs! Well, It’s not exactly the blow-job that you are thinking about. I am talking about the jobs which my seniors landed upon and within six months those jobs got blown away! Folks, I tell you- Never get yourself a blow job! Hope to see ya all with a little surprise the next time!

Middle fingers unleashed!

Bad news. The ‘middle finger’ has penetrated deep into our society. Till the other day, the middle finger was used primarily for one purpose- washing our ass. But it seems kids are evolving faster than evolution itself.

Yesterday was a real bad day. I was taking a stroll in the park adjacent to my rented room, when I accidentally bumped into a beautiful young lady. I could only drool looking at her. Soon she left, but her brother- a tall ‘mushtanda’ arrived. I thought he would beat the hell out of me until he came straight up to me and raised his hand, pointing the middle finger towards me. This wasn’t the end. Behind me, two kids whom I recognized as her younger brothers arrived and did the same thing. For all those hoping that this would be the end, sorry, this isn’t. The same act was repeated again by her younger sister. But what shocked me most was the fact that, after the kids left, her mum (most probably…could recognize from her size 44 tummy)…came up to me and unleashed the middle finger upon me was once again.

I have promised myself that I would never take a stroll again…It isn’t funny!!

It’s all about ‘transparency’!!

Elections are almost over. Our great netas have promised a lot like they do time and again. Same is the case with IPL. I had expected lots and demanded tons. One common thing that I found out recently between the polls and the ongoing IPL is ‘transparency’.

I mean, how many of you hate paying bribes? I definitely do. Therefore I demand ‘transparency’ whether it be in government offices or public toilets. On the other hand, IPL too should have its own share of  ‘transparency’. I mean, since the performance of  KKR has been a damp squib till now, I would rather have enjoyed watching cheer girls wearing transparent cloths. A million more eyes would have popped out. Add half a million. TRP’s would have increased. More TRP’s means more profits. At least KKR can repeat history by being ‘profitable losers’.

Moral: Transparency counts.

So, this season has been all about transparency. See ya again!

John Butcher-man & the Kolkata Knight Riders!!

And the best butcher award goes to John Buchanan…
Welcome to the Butcher awards 2009. After SRK was butchered and sent packing back to Mumbai, its the turn of the team to receive the same treatment. Even our local club hasn’t lost seven matches on the trot.

Multiple Captaincy Theory- Brendon McCullum has been butchered multiple times and the result is there to be seen.

The Butcher wants the same status which Sir Alex Ferguson enjoys as Man U’s manager. But than Mr. Butcher needs to earn the title of Sir Butcher.  For that he would have to slaughter Dada and the innumerable KKR fans including me. And the path that he’s treading, it seems he will definitely succed.

But I have taken a precaution. To save myself from being led to the slaughterhouse, I’ve disguised myself as a cheer girl…Who knows, the Butcher might just spare me, my legs and my ass.

Swine-Flu!!

Haaaaa……chuuuuu…..!!

Gosh! It’s flu time once again, after SARS and Avian flu…Swine flu has struck me..

Me? Of course, it has…

SARS wasn’t much of a problem…atleast it didn’t affect the chickens waiting to grace my intestinal mucosa…but a cough at that time almost knocked the living daylights out of me…Thank God! I’m alive and kicking…

Then came Avian flu…H5N1 virus contributed to my already low BMI. Chickens became a rarity and so did the fats of my body…Nonetheless, I managed and here I am, kicking once again…

The latest- Swine flu…for the time being, pork has taken a backseat. Oh! My favourite Momos!! Uncle Sam is scared…so am I…But by God’s grace, I’ve found an altenative- Piggie Chops…Who would want to have a pig when I have a boar…

Haaaaa……Chuuuuuu….!! Ciao..

Baseix…

Ankit Jain says:

1.Only Hole In dis Whole Universe matters. you must be aware black holes only clarified the evolution of universe.

2.Milk Is Best Diet.Drink Regularly.. Avoid One Where Oxytocin Is injected.U kno na how dangerous Dat 1 is.!!

3.Blondes love It Bcoz Its Hard ANd pink Wen Goes In And Soft And Sticky When Comes Out.. offcourse a chewing gum is of dat kind..

4.always First lick It Instead of Eating Whole… Ice cream Tastes better Only that Way..

5.PUT IN only 2 Fingers inside. Else it is hard with whole hand to get a candy out of da jar..

6.Avoid underwears.. without a brand name..else infection due to bacteria or fungus may arise..

HOPE U WILL FOLLOW DA BASEIX …

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

P.S: Thanks Ankit…